Sunday, December 23, 2007

who would have guessed

I thought I couldn't write here. I thought maybe my writing required a cynical state of mind and I can't feel cynical here, on the Jalisco Coast of Mexico, but today I wrote three pages of my novel, Finding Rhonda Honey.
Last night we went to a drag show here in this little town. The guy from the taco stand was a beautiful woman. Who would have guessed. People brought their children and the kids danced, too.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

not a secret


I'm on the Jalisco coast, in a town called La Manzanilla. I used to keep the name a secret, but the town isn't a secret really, so there it is. La Manzanilla.
It's December and I am wearing my flip flops. If I look up, I can see the ocean.

Friday, November 30, 2007

cult following


Denis Johnson's new book, Tree of Smoke, was chosen for the National Book Award. I've been a Denis Johnson fan for years—my friend Laurie knows his sister-in-law and promotes her parties by claiming that he just might show up. I find it hopeful that someone like him, with a cult following but not, from what I can tell, a lot of success otherwise, could be recognized with a National Book Award. My editor told me once that I have a cult following, but they seem to buy one book and pass it around.
If anybody knows Denis Johnson, tell him to go to Laurie's next party, would you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

the unbearable lightness of being


Today I heard on the radio that the people in Burma were happy when, during the recent demonstrations, films were made and broadcast for the world to see. Unfortunately the world saw and very little has happened. And now the junta is using those films, checking them frame by frame, to hunt down protesters.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Avoiding the Appearance of Shameless Self Promotion

Okay, my sister says: what the hell does that mean, left edge suzy? She's from Texas and they are very literal. Also, this is how she said it: wut the hail duz thet me-un?
And here is the answer: I don't want to give the blog my own name because that seems narcissistic, but maybe personal blogs are inherently narcissistic and who am I fooling?
I named it left edge because I live in Oregon and Oregon is the left edge of the map. There used to be, by the way, a great newspaper put out by Billy Hults in Cannon Beach, Oregon, called The Upper Left Edge, but I didn't copy him.
Suzy is the name of the character in the first short story I ever wrote, Suzy Joins the Sex Club. Even though I think Suzy is dead wrong about feelings being the most important thing in the world, I do admire her honest passion and I like her name.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Wordstock, competiton and Margaret Atwood


This past weekend, I taught a writing workshop for teachers and gave a reading at Portland's annual book festival, Wordstock—a big, noisy, raucous event. I was lucky to be chosen to read with Cai Emmons from Eugene.
I've been thinking lately about competition. I've been thinking that the worst thing for me, creatively, is when I set myself up next to others, when I scrutinize myself and second guess my writing, when I begin to wonder, who is better. As if that's ever the point.
Years ago at a workshop Ken Babbs said that we should never begrudge another writer's talent or success. Every piece of good writing, and every acknowledgment of it, is a success for each of us.
I'm reading Margaret Atwood's The Robber Bride. I heard her read and lecture thirty years ago and for some reason the only thing I can remember is that she talked about pornography. She described a horrific pornographic photograph and ever afterwards, sorry Margaret, I have not been able to unlink that image from your name. Babbs gets his bit of wisdom, but you get rats in the vagina. Not fair, but that's memory for you. I have two thoughts when I read someone as good at Atwood:
1. I can never be this good
2. look what the written word can do

Monday, October 29, 2007

not our fault

Today I heard an NPR report about US troops shooting and then bombing a group of Iraqis, killing 27 people. They blew up houses. They flew over, shooting people as they ran or cowered behind walls. It turns out that it was all a mistake, although they didn't call it a mistake. It was due to faulty intelligence, but it was a “good shoot,” according to a commanding officer. Well, that’s a relief anyway.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Dance on Their Graves


I have every current Oregon Book Award contestant book I can find sitting in a pile on my table. I spent yesterday reading All God's Children, Inside the Dark and Violent World of Street Families, by Rene Denfield. A well- written, important and compelling book. Denfield focuses on a particular Portland group of street kids that was violent, sadistic, and disturbingly anonmic.
anomic---alienation and purposelessness experienced by a person or a class as a result of a lack of standards, values, or ideals
I hung out with street kids when I left home at 17 and lived in Madison, but in those days it was all peace and love. I don’t think anyone would have tortured or killed anyone else, or burned them up or killed their dog. We saw ourselves as part of a revolution. We were the real thing, the ones who had left our families, who had left school and everything we knew, who didn’t need any of it. We were inspired by Jerry Rubin. He never talked about killing anyone, from what I can recall, but Anita Hoffman did say we would dance on their graves. It was a metaphor, I think.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

tell the BLM no


This is one of the trees that will be cut if The BLM's new forest management proposal, WOPR, (Washington Oregon Plan Revision) goes through. This tree is in the Alsea Valley, Oregon.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

the good part of rain

It's raining and all the little creeks and rivers are filling. Last night the salmon began to swim up stream.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

what's it about? (I always ask the same thing.)


“A story is a way to say something that can’t be said any other way, and it takes every word of the story to say what the meaning is. You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate. When anybody asks what the story is about, the only proper thing is to tell him to read the story.”
~Flannery O'Connor

Oregon Book Award



Last week Literary Arts sent me the list of finalists for The Oregon Book Award. I was reading the nominees to see who was chosen for kids' books, thinking about the library, you know. Then...hmm...hmm... wonder who they picked for the novel........ !?me?! What a great surprise.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

pick your battles

Today I got an email petition from a relative. Sign this if you want to save our Social Security system from illegal aliens. I try to stay away from these things. I don't want to argue over whether it should be called a Christmas tree or a holiday tree (my cousin from Texas) or whether Hugo Chavez is a totalitarian dictator (a friend of my Uncle Joe's) or whether Saddam Hussein is al-Qaeda (my hairdresser in Philomath.) But today I couldn't hold myself back. I replied-all to point out that the petition was
1. inaccurate (they do pay taxes)
2. meanspirited
3. whoever wrote the petition didn't even use correct punctuation. You do not use an apostrophe to make a plural, for crying out loud

Friday, September 28, 2007

killing monks


They're killing monks in Burma today. Monks, reporters and unarmed demonstrators. The journalist reporting the story said that people appeared to believe that once the United States knew about it, we'd do something to help.

Monday, September 24, 2007

his ecstasy of feeling nothing while so much is felt


Bible Study: 71 B.C.E.
by Sharon Olds

After Marcus Licinius Crassus
defeated the army of Spartacus,
he crucified 6,000 men.
That is what the records say,
as if he drove in the 18,000
nails himself. I wonder how
he felt, that day, if he went outside
among them, if he walked that human
woods. I think he stayed in his tent
and drank, and maybe copulated,
hearing the singing being done for him,
the woodwind-tuning he was doing at one
remove, to the six-thousandth power.
And maybe he looked out, sometimes,
to see the rows of instruments,
his orchard, the earth bristling with it
as if a patch in his brain had itched
and this was his way of scratching it
directly. Maybe it gave him pleasure,
and a sense of balance, as if he had suffered,
and now had found redress for it,
and voice for it. I speak as a monster,
someone who today has thought at length
about Crassus, his ecstasy of feeling
nothing while so much is being
felt, his hot lightness of spirit
in being free to walk around
while other are nailed above the earth.
It may have been the happiest day
of his life. If he had suddenly cut
his hand on a wineglass, I doubt he would
have woken up to what he was doing.
It is frightening to think of him suddenly
seeing what he was, to think of him running
outside, to try to take them down,
one man to save 6,000.
If he could have lowered one,
and seen the eyes when the level of pain
dropped like a sudden soaring into pleasure,
wouldn’t that have opened in him
the wild terror of understanding
the other? But then he would have had
5,999
to go. Probably it almost never
happens, that a Marcus Crassus
wakes. I think he dozed, and was roused
to his living dream, lifted the flap
and stood and looked out, at the rustling, creaking
living field—his, like an external
organ, a heart.



Sharon Olds, “Bible Study: 71 B.C.E.” from Strike Sparks: Selected Poems 1980-2002.
thank you, Poppi and Tom, for sending me this
and Rob Howard for the photograph

Saturday, September 22, 2007

they don't deserve books


Today I bought two books at the library book sale: Sister Noon by Karen Joy Fowler and Tales of the Master Race by Marcie Hershman. They were $3 each. The woman next to me said to her husband, "Three dollars for a paperback! That's ridiculous. I can get them for nothing at the Senior Center." Three lousy dollars for a whole book. Since when did people start thinking they shouldn't pay for books? How do they think publishers and writers and printers and booksellers and all the people who work to make a book get paid? Plus, it was a benefit for the library, for crying out loud. Come on.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

we have all contributed


I will not remain silent in order to protect my hero's status, not will I forfeit my conscience to hide the truth under a shroud of patriotism.........The fact that I contributed to what history will someday remember as a societal travesty on par with Nazi Germany's Holocaust will torment me for the rest of my life.
~Timothy J. Westphal
Former Staff Sargent, US Army
letter to the editor in The Nation (Sept 24, 2007)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

What Man Ray says


I know everyone is wondering why the heck I hardly ever blog here anymore. Is it because all my blogging is directed towards my witty, new pit bull site, www.peteywasapitbull.blogspot.com?
Nope. A while back I set up an RSS feed on Amazon, so whatever I blogged here wound up on the Amazon pages that sell my books. So suddenly I thought I could only write if I had say something interesting and smart to say about writing. I had to say something that would make the person reading it inclined to buy a book. And then, there's the voting thing. What is with voting in this country? People don't vote for their elected officials, but they vote for the next American idol. They vote to kick someone off the island or out of the Big Brother House. They vote on netflix. How many stars? And on Amazon. They vote for restaurants and hotels. Is it so that we feel like we are in charge of something? At any rate, on Amazon, people rate your blog entries. Geesh.
Today I figured out how to delete the RSS feed so now it's just you and me, privately. I don't have to try to sell books and you don't have to tell me if you found this interesting or not.
This is what Man Ray says about criticism: if you don't like something, walk away from it.

Friday, August 17, 2007

the opposite of inspiration


It's summer and I write every day. Sometimes I feel like writing, I feel inspired, and yet when I sit down to write it's like pushing rocks up a hill, and every word is wrong. Other times I feel completely empty, but the words say exactly what I want them to say. So much for the value of inspiration.

Monday, August 06, 2007

The Day I Fell in Love and Lost All Hope of Earning a Decent Wage

I hardly knew Chuck when he came to the bar where I worked years ago and gave me a copy of Ivan Illich's book, Deschooling Society. I read it and dropped out of college. Illich, in case you don't know, argues that education isn't really about learning but about maintaining class structure. More broadly, he argues against experts mediating and defining our experience.
Chuck says that if he had his way no employer would be able to discriminate based on educational background.

autobiographical Fellini


When my first book came out I said that it had nothing to do with me. The character was not me. The situation was not mine. The story was in no way autobiographical. Everyone asks that. How much of it is you? Fellini died yesterday, and NPR did a story about him. They said that Fellini’s films were always about him, about his dreams, his childhood, his fears, lovers, obsessions. I am easily influenced. I thought, of course what we write or imagine is always about ourselves. How can it not be? I guess what I should have said, instead, was so what?

Saturday, July 28, 2007

old bags


My daughter says that people think I'm gay because my book jackets say I live with my partner which is code word for Lesbian lover. My gay sister-in-law (partner's sister) says so what if that's what they think. My mother-in-law (partner's mother) says we should all call our spouses partner in solidarity with gays. I might as well say husband because we've been together for over 25 years and have two kids. We might as well get married anyway because what's the point of not getting married? Smash the state? My uncles from Texas who vote for George Bush live with women and are not married to them. At any rate, I am not gay but I did recently visit one of my oldest and best friends, Sue Hyde, while she was in Portland promoting her book, Come Out and Win: Organizing Yourself, Your Community, and Your World. Sue says we're a couple of old bags now, but that's just the way she talks.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

GypZee Soul


Last week we went to The Oak Grove Restaurant at the Hood River, Oregon Golf Club to hear an Austin band called GypZee Soul. Don't let the golf club idea fool you-- the place actually a funky little restaurant/bar with a dance floor and music, big windows with trees outside, and nice folks dancing and drinking and have a good time. GypZee Soul is two piece, soul/bluesy/eastern European group that blew us away. Even Chuck who hardly ever likes anything. Check out the large triangular string instrument in the picture. If I can figure out how to put one of their songs on here, I will. Otherwise you can go to the link and listen and then, hey, why not buy the CD? Support independent music. Support great music wherever it happens.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

sorry I'm a drag


I don't know how there can be so many movies about writers. What could be more boring than a writer? Chuck is in South Africa at the Society for Conservation Biology Conference, and I am having a personal writing retreat at my house, just me and the laptop. My dog doesn't like it. He is trying to mind control me into playing catch, but sorry, it's not working.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

science fiction

I'm reading a science fiction novel for my book group. Usually we read international novels. We went through a long Middle Eastern phase. We read several Turkish novels. We read several Indian books. We also read Faulkner. This month it's science fiction though. Science fiction is the only thing my son reads. I was telling him tonight that what I don't like is reading descriptions of a world that someone has made up. I skim those parts, to get to the conversations, then I spend the whole novel wondering, where the heck are we? are we on an island? a space ship? or what? My son says that I have no imagination, that's my problem.
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why not reptiles or amphibians?

June 14, 07

At school today, Max asked, "Why did God make us mammals?"

Sunday, February 25, 2007

not because chomsky needs the 80 cents


Yesterday I bought twenty novels at the library book sale. I bought The Tortilla Curtain by TC Boyle and two books by Elizabeth Bowen. I bought Zorba the Greek, House of Sand and Fog, The Temple of My Familiar. I bought three books by one of my favorite writers, Kent Haruf. I bought Dorothy West, Raymond Carver, James Elroy and Katherine Porter. I bought a book by Louis de Bernieres, author of one of my favorite books, Birds Without Wings. I bought essays by Ursula Le Guin and letters from my hero, Flannery O'Connor. The books cost only one or two dollars each.

I felt a little guilty about this. I've been getting more and more irritated by the market in cheap books. People who wouldn't think of shopping at Walmart, because they understand the connection between money spent and things that happen in the world, don't think twice about never spending a penny they don't have to for books. Who do they imagine supports books, if not book lovers? How do they think publishers decide which books to publish, if not through book sales? I'm being self-serving, but --- every book you buy is a vote, it's a vote that counts. It's a way of saying to a publisher-- we like this. We want more of it.

I'm on a peace listserv, and recently there were posts between some of the members about one of Chomsky's books. It was the book that Hugo Chavez held up in front of cameras on the news. Some people in the group wanted to read it, and there was a big discussion about how to get ahold of the book-- the library had a copy but it was checked out, someone had one copy they could loan, maybe they could find a used copy, etc. For crying out loud, go buy a copy. Not because Chomsky needs the 80 cents he'll get from the sale, but because your purchase tells the publishing world-- we want this. We'll pay for it.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

the two explanations


Yesterday Cody was in the library, talking to me. He's a sixth grader. Maybe this summer he'll go to live with his dad in North Dakota, he says. He'll ride the Greyhound Bus. He's old enough now to go by himself, he thinks. Cody said, "Life is so confusing. You've got the scientific explanation for things and you've got the Jesus explanation." He said, "Me? I go for the scientific explanation."

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

trungpa, chuck and figuring things out


Trungpa says that religion is like trying to put a very large thing into a very small box.
Chuck says that he doesn't know what the heck is going on, but he does know that the most any of us are ever going to figure out is the Reader's Digest version of it.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

mexico



In the morning, a thousand roosters crow.